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He was clinging to the dream that he would be able to become the best of them all and conquer his fears. He wanted to be the best knight in the world…, and he wanted one other thing which was still possible in those days.Lancelot worked for a goal that he had to attain in order to prove to himself that he was not impure. He wanted, through his purity and excellence, to be able to perform an ordinary miracle…”(p.323) Lancelot had to prove to himself that he was not evil.All through his life – even when he was a great man with the world at his feet – he was to feel this gap: something at the bottom of his heart of which he was aware, and ashamed, but which he did not understand.”(p.315) As a result of this fear of himself, Lancelot trained to become a knight.
He could only take pride in his deeds, for they were the only truly good things that he had, and once they were gone there was nothing left.
Another example is Lancelot’s affair with Guenever.
This may seem extreme to some, but for Lancelot, it was all he had.
“Three years may seem a long time for a boy to spend in one room,…unless you realize from the start that…this rather sullen and unsatisfactory child, with the ugly face, did not disclose to anybody that he was living on dreams and prayers.”(p.320) While this single-minded seclusion would make him a great knight, it also kept him alone.
All in all, Lancelot’s golden years were spent trying to contain his insecure spirit by being a Superman and failing, for supermen are found only on the pages for comic books, and not in real life. It was my fault, my fault, my grievous fault.'”(p.589) In the preceding quotation, Lancelot denigrates himself as he always does. He wanted to be the best knight in the world…, and he wanted one other thing which was still possible in those days.
When Lancelot was in the final stages of his life, he still could not lose his uncertainty, his self-depreciating mentality. He wanted, through his purity and excellence, to be able to perform an ordinary miracle…”(p.323) Lancelot had to pstakes up to his demonic soul.Lancelot’s adulthood was spent trying to overcompensate for this ugliness by performing Herculean feats and good deeds. White’s novel The Once And Future King, Lancelot was truly the most human character of them all.And the twilight years of his life were spent in remorse for the bad things he had done. Lancelot’s childhood was spent sequestered, training to be a knight in order to escape from his ugliness and give him something to be proud of.He knew that only the pure of heart could work miracles.If he could be pure and work miracles, then he would know that any inherent evilness he might have had would be taken away, and he would have nothing to be insecure about.In the beginning of their love, Lancelot felt badly about it.He felt that their relationship was making him impure, and so he went out to be a hero.He had no childhood friends, nobody to relate to, nobody to tell him that he was a good person.Consequently, his misgivings about himself took a firm root.Night and day he brooded over his ugliness, his malfeasance.“The boy thought that there was something wrong with him.